Comedy On Comics: Why Isn’t Terry Crews A Superhero Yet?

Photo; NYTIMES

How? I’m sorry; let me make that a complete sentence in case someone skipped the title of this article. How, in this time of almost every actor’s name being associated with a superhero, is Terry Crews not a superhero? I have to believe he’s turning them down. Crews must have a phone that’s specifically for people to pitch him new superhero roles, and he always lets it go to voicemail.

For a long time I believed that would be announced as Luke Cage. It made too much sense to me. Huge, capable of making us laugh, and I’m pretty positive Crews is bulletproof. I’m not saying someone should test that theory (you’ll just piss him off) but I think I remember reading that somewhere. And, then when Marvel/Netflix made their announcement, Crews name was nowhere to be found.

Okay, so Crews isn’t Luke Cage, there are still many other black heroes he could portray. But, let’s make things interesting. Crews could play the following white superheroes:

• Nova

• Wonder Man (Pretty PLEASE)

• Silver Surfer

• Moon Knight

And, just in case you don’t think any of these superheroes’ skin should be changed, are YOU going to tell Terry Crews what he can’t do? Regis Philbin once joked that Crews couldn’t become the host of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? by pop lockin’.

Crews doesn’t even need to be a superhero from the pages of a comic. Make him a new one. Someone start writing the script. Blankman, Meteorman, and… Rumble(?) I apologize for that name, but I don’t think well on my feet. The point being, give the man a villain and something to save. Off the top of my head:

John Yancy is a hard worker, great neighbor, and loving father. After a near-death experience, Yancy gains telekinesis. Meanwhile, KROME, a villainous gang has settled into Yancy’s neighborhood and the community is gripped with fear. With the whole neighborhood behind him, Yancy becomes Rumble.

How can Hollywood be so blind? I’d even settle for a Blaxploitation film along the lines of Black Dynamite starring Crews. No one would be surprised to log onto social media and see Terry Crews stopped a bank robbery with nothing more than a slap. I’m not saying he slapped all of the robbers. I’m saying he slapped one, and the rest threw down their guns and turned themselves in.

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Published in Comedy News